I have not lost faith in God. I have moments of anger and protest. Sometimes I’ve been closer to him for that reason.
You want to die? How can one blame you. This rotten world is not worth lingering in, I know something about it : I covered it from one end to the other. To repudiate it, you have chosen suicide? Why not, it’s a solution like any other, neither better nor worse. I myself have explored all the possibilities. Action, inaction. Pertinence, escape. I turned friendship into a cult and the word into adventure. I alternately preach of faith, blasphemy and forgiveness. I made people cry, I made them dream. Vain attempts : the game is rigged since death wins in the end. I even made them laugh. The cripples, the unfortunate, the condemned, I made them laugh. Only to have death laugh louder still. I understand your invoking it. I followed all other avenues, ended up in every hell. I’ve lived in cities, in forests, with men and away from them. I survived more than one war, took part in more than one mourning. Tired oblivion and solitude, more than once I was ready to abdicate - but I did not : my life does not belong to me, neither does my death. All I can call my own is a forbidden city I must rebuild each day, only to watch it end in horror each night. You don’t understand? Don’t dry. This invisible city exists only for me and subsists only in me. I cannot tell you more; to speak of it is to betray it.
-Eli Weisel, The Oath.
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You look so tired and unhappy
Bring down the government
They don’t, they don’t speak for us
I’ll take a quiet life
A handshake of carbon monoxide
No alarms and no surprises
This is my final fit, my final bellyache with
No alarms and no surprises please
Live and let live, do not judge, take life as it comes and deal with it. Everything will be okay.
-James Frey, A Million Little Pieces.
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